Unbound with Chris DuBois

Do you want to be known as a leader who lives up to their values and maintains their integrity? Be sure if you said no to that you're on the wrong podcast. Right? But I have a system and an exercise that you can use in order to ensure you're doing that. And it's only going to take you 30 minutes max. Are you a leader trying to get more from your business and life? Me too. So join me as I document conversations, stories and advice to help you achieve what matters in your life. Welcome to unbound with me, Chris DuBois. Welcome to unbound. Today, I want to talk about some rules for life that I think actually make sense. Now the trick here is that these are my rules for life. They're not actually what I think are gonna work perfect for you. But the the practice of actually working through some of these rules and figuring out what those mean for you is something super valuable, and something that can tremendously help you as a leader. It's so I had read 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. Now not saying this book wasn't great wasn't worth reading, you got to figure that out for yourself, because they're all going to hit different, different people differently, right. But for me, just wasn't wasn't as mind blowing, as I'd hoped it would be. A lot of the rules did not hit the mark for me. But I started thinking, you know, wouldn't this be just a great exercise to actually create my own rules. And so and this was years ago, right when the book had come out. So I created a list, I just brainstormed and got, you know, 30 something, ideas now for things that were important to me, and I based all these more on the values side. And then I ended up whittling those down to, I think 13. I mean, there was a couple iterations there, but I got it down to 13, because I wanted that unlucky number. Now, once I got close, and and these rules, I refer to them. Anytime I have a challenge in life anytime things are going. I mean, even if they're going great, I guess, doesn't really matter, right? I'm using these as a way to guide myself in life. So I know what's important to me. And it's not guessing at what's important. It's actually being able to say, Hey, I am the type of person who does this, I have a rule that says I am that person. And so I can follow these rules and actually maintain integrity and live up to be the person that I want to be as a leader. That is incredibly important. I've talked before about how your character, right, it's super important. I mean, that's that should go without saying. But you can use that as leverage that integrity, that character that you can build up actually attracts people to you, it gets them to do things with you much faster, right? It's not as challenging. If people don't trust you, because they don't see you living with integrity, you're being hypocritical about everything, they are not going to want to follow you very far. More than likely they will use you until they can find a better opportunity, and then they'll go there. So you want to make sure that these are all great rules, that actually mean something to you that are worth following. Because you need to hold yourself to them. And this will help you as a leader. So I would recommend keeping these more values based because those are also less likely to change, you can make a rule for yourself about not eating after 7pm. Or that's not going to make you a bad person if you have a snack at eight o'clock. So it can't take into account all of these different things. So we want to focus on some of those more important things that are actually going to determine who you are. Once you come up with your list, I strongly recommend you create a graphic around it I found just I want on some free image site. I pulled pulled something nice background that felt good to me, it was like a happy place. And I listed my rules out on there. And just you know, I did it in Canva super easy. And now I have a version for the background on my computer, the background on my phone, and I can just leave them there. And now anytime I open those, I see those rules and I remember that I need to be living by these rules. And I can always refer to them and and check those out. Okay, so I am going to walk through my rules, just giving what they are. And a little little brief summary just to give you an idea of what this can look like for you. I'm also talk about some of the ways that these have helped me before. And who knows this might help just with your brainstorm. And maybe you even want to adopt some of these rules. So without further ado, my I have 13 rules for life and my first one is to be useful. There's a big difference between being useful and being used. But everywhere I go, I want to be able to provide value to the people around me. Right that makes you someone who does deserves to be with others who like people are going to seek you out because they know you are someone who can get the job done. So that is someone that I very much want to be, I want people to be able to count on me and rely on me to make things happen. Rule number two, never be indifferent. If people are coming to you and asking for your opinion, it's because they actually want your opinion, they care about you. For some reason, there's a psychological like, I don't know what the right word is. process that people have where, if they're debating over to answers, they generally will have one that's, that's more enticing to them. But they still can't decide. And so they'll go ask the person, hey, what would you do? Very frequently, they're asking that person, because it's the person that they know will give them the answer closer to what they are actually interested in, in designing. Right? You'll you'll choose dad to ask a question too, because he's less likely to be like, Well, did you make your bed first. And so it's something like that, right? But so if someone's coming to you need an opinion, this does not mean that you need to have such a super strong opinion about everything. But it means you got to pick pick a side, don't fence it, just pick something and go with it. If you get new information, change your mind, but never be indifferent. And that's been very helpful for me on multiple accounts. Because anytime a friend or family member, someone is, you know, Hey, should I should I do this? Or that? Hey, what do you think about, you know, where should we go to eat tonight? Just pick one based off what I'm feeling, instead of like sitting back and saying, Oh, well, what would they prefer? And would it be this, like they're asking me, so I'm gonna give them an opinion. If they don't like what I've said, now, we at least have somewhere to start the discussion. And so it's helped with a lot of conversations going a lot smoother. And something I would actually recommend a lot of people do that rule three, own it. This is one that I learned through through the military, really just how, when I actually owned my problems, it became much easier to one command respect from the people around me, but then also just to get things done and feel better about myself. Good leadership lesson. One point, I had a soldier who messed up. And I went in front of my commander, to talk to him that and he was they were furious. And my commander in surgery major, were very angry because of this issue. But I took ownership over over that issue and say, Hey, this is my fault. This is what I could have done differently, right? It wasn't actually my fault, like the, this individual did screw up. But I found the points where I could have done something different as a leader, and I just called them out. And I know they didn't think like, they're not idiots right there. Apparently, you didn't stand there and tell this guy to do this. But by owning it, they said, Hey, you can handle the problem. And so the soldier who they were going to punish, instead, I got to go talk to him figure out a plan. And then that issue never happened again. And everyone saw that I was willing to stand up for my soldiers. And it gave me I think, a lot of respect, you know, from them. And so I would, again, encourage everyone, you got to own own it. These are, these are my rules, you don't have to own it, if you don't want to have it based on my experience, it's going to help you out. Number four, raise the bar. This is one that as a leader, right, you control the standard, that's what makes your culture. And so I strive to continuously raise the bar, once I have accomplished something, it's, I can still be happy, I can still be grateful for what has happened. But I'm looking at that next thing. Alright, I know I can do this now. How can I do it better. And we just keep raising the bar and everything keeps getting better. Number five, only compete with yourself very frequently, people will get stuck looking at everyone else. And just judging themselves based off what everyone else is doing. Okay, they have a different situation, they have a different background they have, there's so many different variables that you cannot use that just because someone else has done something does not mean you should have been able to do it. But it does mean that it's possible. And so I use that to just keep that in mind. Right? I'm looking at what can I be doing better to achieve something and when I look out, I look at anyone else? I'm looking at them to see what could I actually do. Number six is to be selective of your companions. Right? Your friends, your the people that you associate with are going to make or break you. I think they study had said you get determine with like 90 something percent accuracy who based on your zip code, who would be more successful. That's just because you're in an area where people actually actually care they do the things that would would lead to that right and you can Select where that is, it's not always easy right to move to find new friends to to get into a different networking circle. But if you prioritize that, you're going to start seeing Oh, by hanging out with, you know, these these other leaders who are super successful, it's bringing me up right to tide that raises all ships. Number seven looking before out with this, I will not judge someone, until I've at least looked at myself and decided how I would have worked through something I can't, I don't know what everyone else is going through. And so just throwing judgment on people is only going to make me a hypocrite, because there's a lot of situations where I might have made that same same issue. So I'm gonna focus on taking care of myself, doing all those things, and then, and then I can look at maybe help some people. Number eight, step towards fear. If you can get comfortable with being uncomfortable, you will grow significantly faster. What this means is finding those opportunities for growth. And that's really going to be right, what makes you uncomfortable, it's fear, and stepping towards it, and just diving in doing the deeds so that you can get better. Number nine, make recovery productive. This one I have every night at 830. That alarm goes off on my phone that says make recovery productive. And I have other alarms for some of these different rules. But this is one that has just been there for every night. Because how many times you get to the end of the day, you already start relaxing. And instead you're scrolling social media, right? Or you're watching mindlessly watching something on TV and snacking. Right? It doesn't actually refill you doesn't get you ready for that next day. I'm not saying you can't do those things. But you have to be conscious of what you're doing to recover, you have to actually be productive with that recovery, so that you can show up and play harder, play harder and work harder. When the time comes. Number 10 is focus your attention on someone is talking to you pay attention to what they're saying, when you're doing something when you're working focus on one task, do one thing you would be amazed at how much easier your life is if you can just focus on that one thing. We there's some concept out there that says the human attention span is less than the goldfish right now. Right? I think that's just it's bullshit, right? The the attention span is only down there's because or feels like it's down because there were more things out there just overstimulating us. And we just don't want to actually sit there and focus, nobody sits down in a room in a quiet room and just is alone with their thoughts anymore. Or you're always looking for something to say stimulated. And because we're always seeking that, it makes us want to just build these habits of like, being distracted. And so I strongly recommend you focus your attention, you will not believe how much better people feel, when you actually pay attention to them when they're talking. When you are making eye contact when you are not pulling your phone out looking at your watch. This one's like a pet peeve. People get the like an apple watch that they don't pull their phone out. But when you look at your watch, every time if vibrates while I'm talking to you, it's still doing the same thing. Right? Anyways, Number 11 make good, its own reward, you shouldn't be trying to do things. Just because you want to get something back. Right, you should be happy and satisfied and pleased with yourself. Just because you're doing the right thing. If you can train yourself, like habituate the idea of just doing good things, because that is the reward. Like you're gonna do a lot more good things, you're gonna start bringing more good to the world. Number 12 always grow. If you're not growing, you're dying. Right? The it's like, there, there have been periods of my life, where I just haven't grown. I haven't, I wasn't reading books, I wasn't trying new things, you know, in work, or in my leadership. I just wasn't doing anything. And I felt very stagnant. And I started to fall into these like, you know, just unhappy states, where nothing really felt good. And it took me just starting to grow reading some books, planning out my goals, even just sitting down and saying what do I want to achieve right now. And writing that out was enough for me to get out of it. And so I want to make sure that for me, that's something I'm always focused on it just always growing. And then finally, number 13 is to remain disciplined. If you can stay discipline with the things that you want to do, you will achieve that much faster. Now there's a big debate between whether discipline is like Really assuming discipline means willpower, right? Is that finite? Or can you just have an unlimited amount is that something you can train, I believe it is finite. Now it could because come end of day, right? It's much harder to say no to a plate of cookies than it was at seven in the morning. Right? We are, we get fatigued, throughout, and our brain can't do certain things. So there are some systems you can set up around it. But ideally, what you want to do is create the habits that stop you from needing to think about something, even if that's a separate rule, right? At the beginning, I talked about not eating after seven. If you have a rule that says I'm the type of person who does not eat after seven, you don't have to think about it at all. And you start creating this habit of falling back to that. So it's not a challenge of willpower. It just happens because you have a habit, right? You don't need to like waste willpower on brushing your teeth in the morning. Because it's something you you have habitual eyes and you're doing it all the time. And so, remaining disciplined to me just means staying focused on on the goals that I want, and doing the things to ensure that I'm not just wearing myself down with this, but I'm focused on building the habits and everything that's required to get after that. So anyway, those are my 13 rules for life. I will drop a link actually in the notes to where you can just grab a visual copy of this in case anybody wants it. Otherwise, I would recommend doing this for yourself. Write down all the rules doesn't have to be 13. You could have two rules, if you want to start there. Or forever. Keep two rules doesn't matter. It's your life, live your life. Just make sure you're picking rules that are actually going to help you live the life that you want. So that you can live with integrity. And you can start showing up making sure that your your values are in check with your actions. And if you can do that, you're going to find that your leadership becomes a lot easier because people are going to start they're going to know who you are, they're going to see that character and they're going to want to follow you. So that is it for this episode. Hopefully you gain something from this a little different not directly tied to leadership, but it is something useful. If you liked the episode, please leave a rating and review so we can get this podcast out to a lot more people. Keep getting after it and make sure you deserve it.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai